2020.10.23 15:34 Diligent-Button7 My [34F] fiancé [30M] Lies and Hides Things from me and I Think It's My Fault
Engaged since January 2020. In March 2020, we moved from VA to IL for his new job. I want to mention this because this was a huge change for me and I had a really difficult time adjusting. Mentally, just a real struggle.
Prior to my relationship with him, being insecure was just not part of who I am. But ever since moving, I find myself exponentially more anxious and insecure. But we've had some issues.
I’ve always had a distaste for Snapchat. My experiences have never been positive with men on Snap — more often than not, they always want to communicate only via Snap and it always shifted from normal conversation to inappropriate.
In Oct 2019, I felt uncomfortable when I realized my fiancé’s Snap score increased daily by a couple thousand points. No one truly knows how Snap’s point system works so I said nothing. To save myself from the anxiety, I deleted Snap that day and was done with it. He continued to use it and that was fine. I never liked his behavior with it — never checking it in front of me. That was my own insecurity and I let it be.
May 2020, he got a Snap notification. It sat untouched until I went to the bathroom and then it was gone. I asked him why he never opened it near me. He said there was no reason in particular other than he just doesn’t get chats often. He even opened the app, took a second, then “showed” me his screen to show who his conversations were with. Okay fine.
August 2020. I fcked up and snooped his phone. Found a text he was “hiding alerts” for with a female "friend." It became a huge, huge argument. Have a look in my profile for that post.
Literally the next day, I received an Instagram message from a woman who claimed my fiancé had been cheating on me with her via Snapchat and exchanging nude images consistently for a week. The only “proof” she had was one screenshot — it showed my fiancé’s bitmoji face on the top left, his first name, a picture that looks like he sent and she saved to the chat but wouldn’t load at the time she took the screenshot so it just showed the “loading” symbol, and it showed that the picture was sent on “Saturday.”
No dates. No conversation or pictures to actually see. Nothing to say he 100% cheated. The only bit of “info” to say they definitely talked in any capacity was his bitmoji face — he created his to have a mask on, indicating their conversation took place at some point during the pandemic. My fiancé’s reaction to her claim was confusion, he said they spoke just a couple of times to catch up platonically — apparently they had known each other since 2011 when he lived in CA (where she is from). He had no explanation for the photo she apparently saved except “I don’t know.” He swore up and down he did nothing wrong and was super apologetic that I was dealing with this. He immediately deleted Snapchat.
He’s allowed to have female friends and I have never expressed disdain at that. I don’t know her. To say that she was 100% truthful and he 100% lied would be unfair. I don’t think the claim was made randomly, but I had nothing definitive to go on. I decided to take her claim with a grain of salt but keep my eyes open.
Since then, there have been a few times where my anxiety would skyrocket and I would ask him if he still had Snap deleted or if that person had tried to contact him again. Each time flared up huge arguments because I didn’t have any reason to ask, other than I just felt insecure in those moments and I couldn’t bottle it up anymore.
October 2020. Last Friday we were sitting next to each other on the couch watching a movie. He got a text message and he opened it. I glanced down just enough to catch “work until Oct 23rd” and “come over and chill” from this person. It was an iMessage. I caught the top 2 initials of the contact. CM. I didn’t recognize anyone he’s mentioned by those initials.
Last night, he tells me about a female coworker who’s training a new group of people until Oct 23rd and some issues that were going on in the group. I recognized her name, he’s mentioned her quite a few times before when talking about work stuff — they were part of a 6-person work group for 4 weeks back in June. Of the group, she was the only one he remained friends with. He gets along with her, but from what I understand, the majority of people don’t like working with her because she been involved in a few circumstances where she jeopardized teammates’ careers through unprofessional behavior. My fiancé has a promising career, so I didn’t like that he was choosing to remain friends with someone who could ruin his career. I decided at that point that I didn’t like her. Unjustified, I know.
Then it dawned on me. Oct 23rd. But I knew his coworkers name and initials were AS. But the initials of the person in his phone that said “work until Oct 23rd, come over and chill” were CM.
I am nearly 10000% positive he saved her in his phone under the guise of a different name. I could definitely see him hanging out with her and him not telling me. Even if it is platonic, he has flat-out mentioned I make him feel like he’d rather hide something than be honest to avoid the potential for confrontation or making me feel insecure.
Did my insecurity cause my fiancé to start changing names in his phone just so I wouldn’t have anxiety or feel insecure about people he talks to? Am I the reason he chooses to lie and hide things?
tl;dr Existing issues between my fiancé and I for several months, my insecurity and what I feel is his shady behavior. But is his behavior normal or is my anxiety the reason he has chosen to resort to lying and hiding things from me?
Is there any fixing this?
What are some things I can do in the moments I feel insecure without projecting them onto him, but also not keep bottled up? Or do I just hand over the ring and let him be free?
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2020.10.22 03:37 nagai_devil Couples nude live free
Lots of updates with this log, so I'm making it its own post in addition to what is in the log thread.
Hello Everyone. It's been a while since the last log, in that time we've had 2 new Coinopsx builds added to the library on Archive, some tasty new saUCEs created by this awesome community and some flavorful upgrades to some previous saUCEs with improved ingredients, as well as a few new saUCEs I created, a couple fulfilling a member's request. So thank you to all who contributed, and here are the updates!
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2020.10.12 15:03 Effeminatelad Free live nude couples
Hey all, it's never occurred to me until now that I have yet to actually say who I am outside of a few snippets here and there, so this is my post finally explaining who I am and a bit of my story. Some of this I have said on this site before, but this is my attempt at a more cohesive narrative.
I am a straight guy who believes that clothing has no gender and just genuinely enjoy the aspects of myself that are feminine. As I first starting saying on the internet, I'm an effeminatelad. Although I lean more towards considering myself a femboy, I certainly wouldn’t mind mimicking the experiences of a woman to better understand what they go through. It’s not a fetish for me, I just genuinely enjoy living my life and loving my effeminate self!
I started dressing about 3 years ago as a senior in high school and did so in extreme secrecy. My father’s side of the family is ultra conservative and my mother’s side of the family would probably think I was taking after my mother and think I am gay too (they don’t think that’s a bad thing and neither do I, I’m just not gay) Now I am a 20 year old college student and I am actually able to go out and purchase femme items with no one looking over my shoulder (in my family at least, strangers in a new place are a different story because that doesn't permanently alter familial relations). I am still a mostly closet dresser so I don’t really know how the general public in my area will respond, but given that’s a fairly liberal city I think I’m ok. I have openly walked around with my purse and the most I got was a few confused or shocked or both looks from a few guys and a couple little girls.
In terms of how I want to progress my crossdressing, I think I am finally at the point where I want a waist cincher or corset, butt pads, hip pads, and actual breast forms. Then I want to start pursuing specific looks and for the first time get dressed up in a full outfit (I currently only have panties which I wear often and bras which I only wear in public under heavy clothes). I also forgot to mention I have a few pantyhose both in black and nude as well as a pair of wedges I trained on and off with for a week and now a pair of 3″ high heels which I love (still struggling to confidently walk in them) Now that I have started looking into a wider selection of women’s clothing I am starting to feel like a new real woman in how confused I am at how sizing works. I also since got that bag of clothes from a lovely lady my age which I still have not had the privacy from my roommate to go about properly finding out what fits, what I do/don't like, etc. If you'd be interested in the stuff I don't want to keep then feel free to message me and I can send pictures or otherwise answer questions and we could work something out from there.
I am not considering trying out makeup at this time. I know literally nothing about it and I intentionally choose a small purse so unless I got a bigger or separate bag for it, which I am looking in to. Now I am sort of interested in lipstick, so if anyone can point me towards a resource on how to properly apply it as well as one that feels sexy but is overall not that noticeable that would be apricated. Maybe after those hurdles I will be more interested in makeup. Sorry this has been a long one, just finally opening myself to a world that I think actually cares and wants to hear it.
Thank you as a person and thank you as a community for making this far and hearing my story! This community has certainly emboldened me and encouraged me to hear that others share in my experience and the knowledge that I'm not alone is deeply (I can't remember the word for it at time of posting, something along the lines of meaning feeling accepted for who I am and being grateful for it, sorry it's kind of difficult to describe how this genuinely makes me feel, both because of how deep it is and that I have little experience explaining my emotions to others due to how I was raised)
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2020.10.09 01:56 iliketheunknown The Week
Hey guys, with the finished series of my actual life story ‘Favorite White Boy,’ I decided to write a fictional story about a young man and his friends as they have an interesting week to say the least. This first part is long, and there are some steamy parts but no hard sex yet. Stay tuned for that. Hope you all enjoy!
Also, here are the links to the Favorite White Boy series, a series I wrote about the beginning of me and my boyfriend’s relationship. (in case you didn’t read)
Favorite White Boy - Part 1
Favorite White Boy - Part 2
Favorite White Boy - Part 3
Favorite White Boy - Part 4
Favorite White Boy - The Finale
At 21 years old, I’ve had more sexual experiences with women than I can count on, but zero male intercourse. I knew I was at least bi when I was 13, but the desires for men have gotten so strong that it’s becoming increasingly challenging to control my impulses. All I want to do is feel a man. Rub his abs, kiss his neck, play in his hair while he plays in mine; I want to know what it feels like to be loved by another man. I hated when my thoughts took control like this, but I couldn’t help it. I’m a helpless bottom boy, who needed some action now.
The next day came rather quickly as I passed out shortly after shooting my load that night. The day was typical: wake up, take care of personal hygiene, school, work, and spend time with my girl. It had been like this for the last year now and it had become the norm. I never complained, for I love my girlfriend. When we’re together, it feels like I’m her guardian and I love the feeling of knowing she feels protected with me, with her in my arms while I hold her gently. But, in the back of my mind, I wanted to switch rolls.
The week had flown by, and it was now Friday. My friends all wanted to go clubbing and I never say no to that. My friend group had been my friend group since high school. It was Jay, Chris, Nick, Ty, and me (Wes). Jay and Chris are black, Nick is white, Ty is Filipino, and I’m mixed with black and white, so we were moreso a diverse friend group. We were super tight too, as we’ve all seen each other naked on multiple counts. Jay and Chris were the closest and Nick and me were the closest, while Ty just vibes with all of us. All of us are at least 6’0, me being the shortest out of all of us at 6’. We were all pretty fit too, and before I got a girlfriend we were always hooking up with girls. This week, though, it was just going to be us. We had planned a trip to Miami for just a week to get away for a while. I was excited, as I’d never been to Miami.
Nobody knows this, but I have a huge crush on Nick. I know, we’re best friends and I’d literally do anything for him on a bro level, but ever since I met him I always thought he was super fine. Standing at 6’4, around 210 pounds of fit muscle and hair like Jack Harlow, Nick had me entranced since the beginning of freshman year of high school. Now, 7 years later we’re the closest humans on the planet. I’ve learned to suppress my feelings for him over all this time, but every now and then I still get butterflies. He’s very obviously straight, so I never made a move as I’m not out yet either. Regardless, I’m always excited to get to spend some time with him.
The day of the trip, I’m packing my stuff in my suitcase when my phone rings. It was Nick.
“Hey man, can I ride with you to the airport? My car’s still messed up and I don’t have another ride.”
“Yeah of course, you know you don’t even have to ask.”
“Ok preciate you bro, I’ll be ready in about an hour.”
“I’ll be there,” I said, grinning a little too hard.
An hour had passed and I pulled up to Nick’s apartment. He walked out wearing a lime green hoodie with some joggers and white Nikes, rolling a big suitcase. His hair was wet, which somehow always does something to me. He got in the car and shook his head like a wet dog coming out from a bath. He shook his head, laughing.
“Really man?” I said, smiling back at his goofiness.
“That’s payback for pushing me in the pull the other day.”
“You really remembered that?” I laughed.
“I told you I would,” he said as he gently punched my arm.
“C’mon, we gotta gooo.”
With that, I put the car in drive and too us to the airport where we met up with Jay and Chris for our flight. Ty had to stay behind because one of his relatives were getting married and then taking him to Cancoon, so we’d all be traveling either way. It was a rather long flight to say the least, as we lived in LA and Miami is on the other side of the country. But, we made it work. On the flight, Nick and me sat next to each other while Jay and Chris sat in front of us. During the flight, Nick had fallen asleep, leaning on my shoulder. His scent was enough to send tingles down my body. Jay and Chris were already sleeping in front of us, so I was the only one awake.
Trying not to wake Nick, I softly ran my left hand fingers through his hair. I did this for only a moment, but then he moved his left hand onto my thigh. I didn’t think he did this on purpose, but it did make me jump a little. I decided that was enough and eventually fell asleep myself, leaning on Nick’s head while he lay on my shoulder.
Finally, we landed and began heading to our hotel. The hotel was rather nice, and we got two rooms. One room had two beds and the other has a king size. The rooms were across from each other, so either way we’d all be close. Originally, we thought that we’d have two queen sizes in both rooms but we only did for one. We already had discussed sleeping arrangements, which I’m sure by now you already knew who’d be with who. Now was the decision of who’d take which room. Secretly, I hoped that Nick and me would get to share the king size, despite me protesting for the other room. We eventually just paper rock scissored it out, and Jay and Chris won for the two queen sizes while, leaving Nick and me to share a bed which I was honestly thrilled about.
We got into the room and Nick quickly claimed which side of the bed he wanted.
“The charger’s right here so I want this side,” he quickly protested.
“There’s charging ports on both sides idiot,” I shot back laughing.
He laughed, realizing he missed the plugs on my side.
“Whatever, I still want this side,” he laughed again.
I rolled my eyes at him before plugging my phone up and laying down in the bed. The room began to smell like Nick, and that was definitely a smell I could get used to. It was late, as our flight basically took all day, and we had left at around 3 something PT (6 ET) and now was closer to midnight. I heard shuffling on behind me, to which I assumed was Nick changing into sleep wear. I turned around, and saw his plump ass cheeks facing me.
“Um bro?” I said, trying to sound not excited.
He turned around, his 5 inch flaccid dick facing me. I instinctively looked at it.
“My bad, I was changing but I normally sleep nude so I debated if I should just sleep naked or not.”
“You’re telling me that you normally sleep nude after i’ve been at your house several times for the last 7 years?” I said jokingly.
“What?,” he smiled, blushing. “I never felt the need to for a night when you’d spend the night, but we’re about to be here for a week dude. My balls gotta be free.”
I looked down at his huge golf sized balls and his hung soft dick. If I had to guess, it was probably nearly 5 inches soft. He had a happy trail leading up to his belly button and abs of steel. His triceps were huge. Simply put, his body was seriously something to drool over. He wasn’t a body builder at all, but his body was built extremely well. He could make a straight man envy him. So, for me to be lucky enough to sleep next to this literal Greek god obviously sent me in a haze. It’s crazy because I’ve slept next to this man for the last 7 years but him being nude felt like I was next to somebody else for the first time.
As we tried drifting off to sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on sleeping. I wanted nothing more than to climb on top of him and let him handle me in ways I’ve only fantasized about. I wanted him to literally make me never crave a woman again. I wanted to be his bitch. I wanted all of this, and the sensation was getting stronger and stronger. I’m assuming sleep eventually found me, because when I woke up, he was spooning me.
I stayed frozen for a moment, butterflies soaring in my stomach. To be clear, we’ve spooned before. He’s typically the bigger spoon since he’s taller and bigger than me, but it was something about this that again turned me on. I lingered for a moment, relishing in his touch, before finally moving his arm and going to the bathroom.
I went in to pee and wash up. As I was brushing my teeth, he walked in, still naked. (Mind you I was only wearing boxer briefs, which made my ass look hella plump)
“Hey wassup!” I said, probably too enthusiastic.
I caught him in the mirror glance at my ass before heading to the toilet to piss. I intentionally slowed my pace of brushing down to be able to make this moment last longer. Once he was done peeing, he walked up next to me. We looked at each other through the mirror, and it felt so passionate. I was confused on where all of this sexual tension aroused from, but I wouldn’t dare question it. After an intense 20 seconds or so, he turned around and grabbed a towel and began washing his face. We washed up in silence, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. I had finally finished everything and began to walk out the door to put on some clothes. As i turned to leave, Nick gave my ass a playful jiggle and muttered “damn.”
At this point, my cock was hard. He couldn’t see that tho, as he was still looking at my cakes as I was walking out the door. I slightly turned and gave him a playful laugh, but really I wanted to moan. My heart was racing, but I didn’t want to engage into any sex with him right now, for we had a big day today and plus I have a girlfriend.
I entered the room and changed into my clothes for the day when I noticed the outfit Nick had out matched mine. Those butterflies came back again, this time for no apparent reason. He finally walked out of the bathroom, still naked, when he looked at me and smiled.
“Copying me today, huh?”
“I already had this planned out nice try.”
He smacked his lips and smirked. He then put on his boxers, hiding my friend. He put on his clothes and shoes too before eyeing me. He then walked in front of the full body mirror in our room, admiring himself.
“Yeah bro, I definitely wear this better,” he said playfully.
“You wish,” I said, probably a little too toothy.
“Come here let’s compare.”
I walked over to the mirror and stood next to him. Mind you, I’m 6’0 myself, but he dwarfed me in every way possible. We stood in the mirror for a couple of seconds before he put his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m finna get hella bitches on this trip.”
“Hell yea bro,” I said, reaching to do our handshake but secretly a little hurt that he had to mention other females. He then gave my ass another playful slap before we walked out and met up with Chris and Jay.
The day was eventful to say the least. We hit up the mall first, where Nick, Jay, and Chris spent the whole time hitting on different girls while I was on FaceTime with Jade, my girlfriend. After the mall, we hit up a restaurant to eat, with the boys some girls they hit on in the mall. Again, I stayed on FaceTime with Jade so I didn’t feel left out. After that, we went to a bunch of different stores to buy some clothes and stuff before hitting the beach at around 7. There was a beach party the girls knew about that they took us too. It wasn’t long before all 3 of them were making out with their girls. I had long gotten off the phone with Jade, so I left them to go chill by the waves for a bit. It was so peaceful out, the ocean breeze running through my curls. The sun was setting as more and more people begun to show up. I didn’t feel left out at all, however, considering that I was on a beach which is by far my favorite place to be.
I don’t know how long I was sitting there, but I guess long enough for Nick to come sit down next to me.
“You good bro? Why you not at the party with the others?”
“No reason, you know how much I like just chilling by the waves. And plus y’all all have some girls to mess around with so I’m chilling.”
“You know, you could have a little fun yourself if you wasn’t a simp.”
“I’d rather be a simp than a man whore,” I told him, laughing.
“Fair point,” he said, laughing with me.
We then sat in silence a bit, looking at the stars and sinking into the sounds of the waves and distant music and cheers coming from the party. After sitting a bit, I broke the silence.
“You’re not gonna go chill with the girl? What was her name again?”
“Alissa, and I already hit bro.”
“Damn bro, that fast?”
“I mean it’s not like I had to try too hard, she basically through herself at me. Kinda turned me off.”
“Not off enough for you to not hit,” I said, sarcastically.
“Whatever bro, I’m finna go get us some drinks.”
He got up and came back shortly with two bottles of some liquor. We sat in silence, drinking and relaxing. After a while, he hit me with a very unexpected question.
“Hey bro, I been thinking and.. do you love Jade?”
“Yeah...” I said, unsure of where this was going. “Why’d you ask?”
“I don’t know, I just don’t know what it’s like to actually love another girl. You know relationships aren’t for me.”
“Relationships aren’t for everybody bro, but one day the right one will come along.”
He was looking down, clearly at conflict in his head.
“Sometimes I feel like the right one is right under my nose but I miss the opportunity every time.”
I took a second to think, unsure of what he meant (which I’d definitely find out later).
“If she was really the right one, you wouldn’t have missed,” I said, proud that I’d came up with a good response.
“I guess you’re right,” he said, clearly not satisfied with my answer.
I gently nudged his arm, laughing a little trying to ease the situation. He looked up and laughed back.
“I’m kind of ready to call it a night,” he said.
“Yeah me too, it’s getting late.”
We got up and got the other two before heading back to our hotel. In the car ride, Jay and Chris was telling us about how they tagged teamed the two girls they picked up in the mall while Nick was telling them about his experience with Alissa. I couldn’t help but envy them a little, but I wasn’t going to cheat on Jade. When we finally got back to the hotel and into our rooms, Nick immediately stripped and plumped on the bed, his dick jumping and landing on his shaved pubes.
“I’m slumped bro.”
I stripped off everything except my boxers and laid down next to him.
“How come you don’t just sleep naked too? It’s kind of awkward with me being the only one,” he said with a forceful laugh.
“Fine, but don’t try anything horndog,” I said, clearly playing.
He put both his hands up like you do when the police tell you to, and I got up and took my boxers off, facing away from him giving him a view of my ass as I bent down. I could see him checking me out, my shaved, hairless ass literally staring right back at him. I turned around to him looking at me, intently. Not being able to handle those deep blue eyes staring through my soul, I smile and ask “what?” all cheeky.
He shrugged. “Nothing,” he said, smiling.
I rolled my eyes and hopped back into bed. I then got on my phone and scrolled aimlessly through Instagram for a bit. After a while, I felt heat on my backside and then he put his arm over me, spooning me again. I felt his cock pressed up against my ass, making me squirm a little. This instantly turned me on, and I wanted more. I then arched my back and moved my ass up and down on his cock once just to get a feel for it. It was thick to say the least even on soft. His dick twitched a little and I heard his breathing get a little shaky as I did that. Noticing this, I did it again, but kept moving. He pulled me closer, now being able to feel breath against my neck. His dick was getting harder, and as I kept moving up and down on his dick, I could tell just how long he truly was. By now, both of our breathing had picked up and it was obvious neither of us were sleeping. I then felt something soft on the back of my neck. He began planting kisses on me, going up and down on my neck as he began thrusting back onto my ass. We started moving in a rhythm as he continued to get harder and harder. Not being able to handle the heat of the moment anymore, I turned around and looked into his eyes.
“What are we doing?” I said that as innocently as I could.
“Whatever we want.”
I nearly lost it then.
I grabbed his face and pulled him closer to me until our lips locked. His lips were smooth and warm, and he tasted a mixture of mint from his gum and liquor. Our tongues eventually found each other and we continued into a full blown make out session. He then grabbed onto my waist and pulled me on top of him as he gripped my butt cheeks and grinded his dick against my hole. My fingers were running through his hair as we continued to make out more passionately than I ever have with anyone else. I then pulled back and we locked eyes. I’d never seen this look in his eyes before. Normally when he’s in the heat of the moment with a girl, he has pure lust in his eyes. But right now, he had passion and hunger in his eyes. It looked like he wanted me badly. He looked like he wanted to devour me. He looked like he wanted to give me the best sex I’ve had with anyone else. This look alone could break a person. Lucky for me, I still had a little self control.
“Nick..” I said, innocently again.
“Why’d you stop?” he said, trying to pull me back in.
“Wait wait.. I can’t.”
“Right right.... I know I just.. damn.” he said, clearly frustrated.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t cheat on Jade man.”
“Yeah I know, I’m sorry I just got too into it.”
I got off of him and sat up beside him while he lay on his back with his hands behind his head. Even frustrated, he still maintained a charm and niceness to his aurora. As bad as I wanted him, I had morals. If we were to hook up, I had to be single first. After I got off of him, it became a bit awkward. I decided it’d be best if I just lay back down and try to go to sleep. As I went back to lay down, I felt Nick spoon me again. I didn’t question it; just knowing that none of that changes our relationship gave me a deep respect for Nick. I laid in his arms and eventually fell asleep, completely at peace.
submitted by iliketheunknown to GayShortStories [link] [comments]
2020.10.08 03:32 deltafairymagikarp [20+ Only] LF Partner(s) for One-on-One Scenes! [Multi Genres]
A writing sample is included at the bottom of this post! Please do forgive me if I'm a bit rusty, it's been quite some time since I had a good partner to roleplay with.
But, I am looking for partners (likely two, three at the most) for one-on-one RP scenarios!
I can write across a variety of genres/settings, but do prefer original characters. For "fandom" based scenes, I do not care much for canon characters outside of them being "NPCs" alongside the main characters. I'll list the fandom universes I am familiar with and have characters for further in this post! I'll also mention the general settings I'm interested in.
However, I would much prefer plots focus on adventure, character development, mystery, and overall the story of the whole thing.
I'm not opposed to smut or romance happening. But, I would prefer that such things not be the focus of the plot unless it's a naturally blossoming romance alongside a greater story. If a romance is the focus of a plot, it should be rich in story itself! (Any kinks present in scenes containing smut will be discussed privately, I always want to go over limitations with partners to make things as comfortable as possible. Please understand I do have my own limits, and no matter of negotiation will make me RP something I'm not comfortable with.)
I am also fine with "dark" content in scenarios. Things such as blood, gore, injury, representation of mental health, acts of villainy, and what not.
I will not do scenes which glorify/sexualize/romanticize things like r*pe, pedophilia, zoophilia, and similar topics.
However - Please know, that even if I play a particularly dastardly villain I do not condone their actions in real life*. Also know that just because a villain I play may find pleasure in certain things, I do not. They are a villain, and I will play/write them as a villain. They aren't necessarily meant to be liked, and they will do despicable things sometimes. I am merely the author.*
I would like roleplay to remain Adv. Lit - But that doesn't necessarily mean I expect a novel every single post. I'm very flexible with my post length and what I expect from partners, especially in scene moments where it's little more than the back and forth of speech. So please, don't feel intimidated or as though you have to write huge posts constantly!
One of my only major requirements is that partners be willing to play multiple characters. This can be members of a group, staff in a character's home, fellow peers in a classroom, townsfolk, etc! I cannot and will not carry plots entirely on my own.
I love world building with my partners as well! I don't mind taking some liberties with fandom universes as well, for example - we can make towns larger than presented in things like video games, to better flesh them out for richer scenes.
If anyone has any questions by all means, feel free to ask!
I have some ideas in mind for plots, but otherwise am open to plot ideas and/or am happy to throw around ideas with others!
The settings/genres I'm generally comfortable with include (but are not necessarily limited to):
2020.10.06 22:00 Arnold4Alabama Free live nude couples
Note: graphic rape scenes included along with piss scenes (sorry if that's not your thing).
I was a broke, recently graduated college student working a pathetic, low paying, 9-5 job at a sketchy office firm as an assistant. I had let myself go over the years. I was barely under the weight standard of what would be considered obese and I wasn't about to let my confidence drift further down the drain. Against my better judgement, I pulled a loan from an extremely suspicious loan shark and began working on my body from taking quality muscle enhancement drugs to purchasing extensive workout equipment. In only 2 years, I had a 6 pack, toned muscles and my cheek and jawline was well-defined with all the fat burned away. My 6'1" height and round booty figure coupled with my blessed Korean looks had given me the edge I needed to attract guys and girls alike. Things were looking great for me but they weren't meant to last. I was walking home late one night after drinking at a the local tavern with some friends. My apartment wasn't too far but I was staggering. Before my face could recognize any faces, two men walked up to me and slammed me with a bat knocking me unconscious.
I was placed on a musty old mattress in what looked like a basement except it was cold and humid and smelled like dust. There wasn't much else in the room except for a hose, bottles of lube, and ton of weird substances that looked like an assortment of drugs. My observations for the room were interrupted by the realization that I was 100% naked with nothing on me except for a black leather harness that was locked to my chest (literally). I panicked realizing who, what, and why I was in this room and tried to budge open the door. Of course it was locked. I started begging, "Please, please give me just one more month and I'll pay double the interest rate! D-don't do this to me!"
No one spoke, instead, a letter was slipped under the door. All the color faded from my face and the room felt even colder. They had no intention of letting me pay them back to begin with. They saw me change and they loved how I started to become the best looking fuck toy. Of course, they could've continued to scam me and then lock me up in this room to be their play thing but their boss got impatient. I guess, this meant I know longer had to pay them back the money but this was the only silver lining.
The Wolf I heard the door unlocking and stepped back, thinking I could make a bolt for the exit. I was dead wrong. He was otherworldly tall and his mask added to this. His muscularly build literally blocked the exit and any hopes of escaping this room. Similar to me, he was also wearing a harness with spikes that looked like they were made out of real metal and his crotch was covered by a black jockstrap that screamed untamed power. After taking a good look at everything else, I finally went back to his mask. It was a wolf's head with fur sleeves and pockets covering portions of his face. The eyes on the wolf were gouged out leaving only his dark amber eyes to sparkle threw them. I don't think he shaved because I could see fluffy parts that looked more like human hairs than wolf hairs. He stepped inside and slammed the door shut as I took a gulp. I backed up further until I was next to the bed and against the cold concrete walls. He slowly made his way towards me. The fear that was bottled up in me was released and I screamed like a banshee. This only agitated him and made him angrier, so much that he began to growl. I started to doubt that he was human at all. He still kept the same pace but this time with anger all over him. I looked all over the room thinking of things to throw at him to try and stun and make him not fuck me. I threw the bottles of lube at him but he either smacked them away or caught them in one hand. Then I threw the table at him and it only stopped him for .00001 of a second. At this point, the room felt so small and I felt so small and insignificant against him. He was 3 feet away, then 2 feet, then 1 foot, until his hairy chest was just 3 inches away from my face. He was looking down on me with an evil, lustful smile. I froze in place and let him use his large right hand to lift my chin up and force me to look him directly into his wolf-like gaze. He wouldn't let me look away from him. He only wanted me to look at him.
My last act of defiance was spitting at his face and it turned out to be my downfall. He slammed me against the wall and growled even louder. I screamed out loud and he flinched for a second giving me a chance to run past him. The wolf wasn't having any of it and he grabbed the back of my harness. His biceps had my neck in a choke hold and my vision began to blur. I almost passed out until I was once against shoved and thrown around like a sack of potatoes. He had me laying on the bed, his thick thighs restricting my own legs, his hands were like cuffs and they squeezed the blood flowing into my fingers. I felt the wolf's crotch grinding against my own. It felt like titanium and could do nothing but watch as my foreskin was forcibly dragged along his jockstrap. I cried some more begging him to stop and exposing my mouth wide open. The wolf began to drool directly into my face, some of his saliva landed in my mouth. It tasted like cheap vodka with a hint of cigarettes and mint mixed in. I tried to spit out his saliva but then he shoved his tongue down my mouth and started tasting me all over. Tears were streaming down my face as I laid their helpless and breathless.
That was his only act of kindness. The wolf bent my body like putty and had my legs spread out into a 180 degree angle on the bed. I screamed like I had never screamed before as my legs were not used to being this stretched out. I felt the pressure on my arms go away but this was temporary. The wolf's thighs held my arms down and threatened to choke me as they squeezed down on my neck. I felt a wet, slimy sensation in my hold as I realized the wolf was dining on my ass cheeks. He was lubing me up with his spit instead of the complimentary lube set on the table. It felt like hours but in actuality, he was just getting started. The wolf let out an almost inhuman howl as I felt his thighs leave my arms and his face leave my ass. This was my chance to try and get away but it was no use. The wolf had released his jock strap and revealed the worst case scenario for my hole: a 10.5 inch cock with sizable girth and enough bush to realize that this whole wolf motif this man had going was fitting. His arms were on the sides of my ribs and he held me in place as his cock taunted my face cheeks with the head. I was not gonna suck him off, not that monster but it looked like he had no intention of forcing me to suck him. Instead, the wolf backhand slapped me so hard I fell right back on the bed, dazed and confused at the strength of the slap.
I felt an immediate stinging sensation in my small hole. I was gay and hooking up before but I always hooked up with guys with modest cocks. Five inches were fun, six and seven inches were exciting, and the occasional eight and nine inches were tough but manageable. This monster of cock was on a new level and I screamed until it felt like I would lose my vocals. I cried and begged him to stop and take it out but he smiled and spoke actual words for the first time.
"But it's only the first two inches," he replied as I denial filled my brain. He kept going in as fast as he could. It was like he was trying to get the whole thing inside me on record time. The only factor slowing him down was a biological. My ass had never been trained before to take this much cock and he knew it too. It was almost like trying to shoving an entire log down a skinny, one inch diameter hole. I felt his hands let go of my arms but I was too stunned to try and escape. He used his fingers to try and work my hold and I heard him grunt and moan as he got more and more inches inside me. I continued to scream as the tears began to blind any sign of the florescent light bulbs and concrete cinderblock walls.
At long last, he was inside me, the pain was excruciating, so much that my perception of reality was in limbo. I wasn't sure what was real and what was fake and I began to question every decision I made that led me to this moment. Only one thing was certain, the pain flowing through out my entire body. I barely noticed him sliding his cock out of my hole because no sooner than 1 second later, he slammed it right back into it and the cycle of pain started all over again. I was numb and out of it the entire time, any resistance and thoughts of escaping were non-existent now. I was a human play dough toy to him and he molded my arms, legs, shoulders, feet, and body how he see fit. His sadistic nature was almost like an artform to him.
I was laying on the floor, my body collapsed like a puppet whose strings were cut off. The wolf's legs were now parallel to mine and felt slam fuck me like this for a solid 10 minutes until he was tired of this position. He pushed me upright and now he was sitting and holding me like a used, blown up sex doll. My eyes were locked onto his but mine were lifeless and barely registered as human. This was my life now. I was this wolf's sex thing. My hole connected with his cock as I was sitting on his lap. I let myself go and let him hold me up right for him to continue fucking me. He eventually got tired of fucking me like this too and went back to fucking me on the bed. He had one of my legs bent an almost impossible angle as he started pumping deep inside me. The pain of my legs being overstretched was nothing compared to the pain of his cock inside my fragile anus. Eventually, I felt the pace pick up and before I could react, the wolf let out an ear splitting howl-like scream as I felt gushes of cum invading my anal cavity and then my larger intestines. He was done but he was still hard as ever, the difference being his cock was still pulsing with newfound relief. I had no strength to fight back and no strength to even pick myself up and try to get comfortable to recover.
The Pigs The wolf acknowledged this and simply dragged me around. I shut my eyes, thinking the worst was over and when I woke up, I was in a different room. This room was huger but also made of cheap, concrete cinderblocks and lit only by red strobe lights. I was attached to a swing-like contraption with wrists and ankles locked in place. I was wearing the harness still but this time a mask was attached to my face. It had a long tube stretched out to the top of this room. I barely caught a glimpse of natural outdoor light and I thought this was my only chance to try and scream to the outside world for help. the mask attachment did nothing but hinder anything remotely like a scream. I heard a door open and watched as countless guys walked in with almost nude and with hard cocks. They were all different sizes, ages, races, heights, with varying cock lengths and girths but what they all had in common were the masks they wore. All of their masks were identical, they were pigs that looked like they came from the Saw movie franchise and I was frightened as they began to laugh and snort like pigs. My mind cleared up and I realized what the tubes and swing were for. I struggled some more but my encounter with the wolf has my stamina running on nearly empty. My ass was position in such a way that not only could I not turn it over, but it provided the optimal angle for which any of the pigs could enter comfortably into my still stretched hole. The long tube connected to my face was some kind of device that could drain liquids nearly into my nose and mouth but not suffocate me. There were large enough openings on the sides of my masks to help drain these liquids. This was the ultimate set up for bukkake and bareback sex and I was horrified at the thought of STDs and STIs spreading all over me but I had not choice in the matter. My suffering was as inevitable as the pleasure the wolf and these pigs would force themselves to get out of me. In a sick turn of events, an intercom with a robotic voice announced the start of the 23rd annual cumdump site. The pigs spared no second walking up to me to feel me all over and finger my really loose hole. I lost track of the number of times guys would likely kick my balls and cock or sucked them to sooth them. I lost track of the number of times entering in and out of my hole with either their mouths or their cocks. Quite frankly, their cocks were a far cry to what the wolf's cock felt like and thus, I was relegated to being the perfect cum dump. Some weren't even trying to shoot their load inside me, aiming it on my ass just to keep it moist was enough for them. some made and effort to cum on other parts of my body like my face but for the most part, all of the loads went right into my hole. The circulation of guys walking in and out of the room was enough to dull out the pain.
Meanwhile, a television screen in front of me appeared revealing the purpose of the upstairs room, what I thought was the outdoors. For guys less inclined to take risks, they had nothing but live footage of the pigs fucking and cumming all over me as they jerked off and came into a customized urinal with the tube attached to my mask. The line stretched outside of the room and seemed to go on forever but once again, these men were all wearing the same pig masks. Some came quickly while others stayed to continue to enjoy watching the show. There was an unspoken rule that once you came you were to head to the end of the line or watch elsewhere. Other filthy bastards took the time to piss into the urinal afterwards and watch as it start to flow down the tube. The way the tube was angled to my mask was at an almost 60 degree angle. It was not enough for the piss and cum to just fall on my head and slide down the sides but was high enough to the point where it would drain slowly but surely splash into my face. The pigs enjoyed every second of it, they enjoyed every drop landing on my nose. When I accidentally swallowed a drop they would all cheer out loud and furiously jerk off or piss some more hoping to get more down my throat. Eventually the smell of piss and cum mixed together dulled out my nose and I no longer had any notion of throwing up (for fear of consuming more cum and piss). My stomach felt bloated, as if I had over douched prior but this was just the consistency of the cum melting together to make an almost liquid concoction that could permeate my intestines. I watched on camera as my once, slightly tanned ass was now the very definition of a cream filled donut with white icing on top. As impressive as this was, it compared nothing to the amount of cum that was evident on the once clean and pristine concrete floors. Cum and piss were splattered below my mask and the cum below my asshole was now drying and thickening too. It spoke to miles about the terrible aiming of these pigs in general.
These pigs were surprisingly generous (or remorseless depending on how you look at it) and installed a clock for me to try and account for the amount of time that had passed by. There were still groups of guys lining up at the urinal and the number of guys taking turns on my barely noticeable ass cheeks were still about the same. This went on for hours and I could do nothing but watch and observe the variety of techniques.
Hour One: The pigs fucking my ass attempted to double penetrate me but only gave up when the cum started to make them lose their own footing. The ones at the top floor grew impatient and soon, three pigs at a time were crowding at the urinal to release their loads and piss.
Hour Two: Maintenance finally came in and funnily enough, they were wearing pig masks but unlike everyone else, they wore custodian clothing. They could hardly be called custodians seeing as that would imply cleaning up messes. Instead, they took out cat scoopers and began to shovel whatever wet cum on the floor was left. They then spread the mixture onto all parts of my body. The tube began to clog. To remedy this, the custodian pigs took and hose and began to spray down the tube with water. It was a welcoming sensation since this would have been the first time I had been cleaned since being kidnapped here. As disgusted as I was, I could not help but be impressed with how quickly they did all of this. They only spent 10 minutes in total.
Hour Three: The barrage of loads in my hole and down the tubes were a biological rainstorm to me. I started regaining more feeling in my asshole allowing me to push out some of the cum. This was quickly replaced with more guys refilling it. There were noticeably less pigs than before.
Hour Four: A few stragglers came in and filled me up but now I was able to listen to the sickeningly terrible porno music they were apparently playing all day. Just as I was about to give up all hope of this ending, the robotic voice intercom appeared thanking all pigs for entering this years dump. I should be thrilled it's all over but I felt nothing. I now had the weight (literally and mentally) of all those guys who had used me for their own pleasure along with any health side effects they may pose. The door opened once more and I anticipated yet another pig but instead came face to face with the wolf again. The wolf untied me and unlocked the mask connecting to my face. He then took his own mask off revealing his distinct facial features and steely-eyed complexion. A small, hidden pool of piss and cum mixture came and splashed part of his manly face but it did not faze him in the slightest. He was too busy staring into my lifeless eyes and unharmed lips. He kissed me with them, the faint taste of cum in his tongue before forcibly shoving my face back down. The wolf wrapped a towel around me and carried me like the garbage I am. I slowly began to black out again, this time oddly more peacefully than before. I heard the door open one last time before knocking out entirely. My last thoughts were this:
"Am I free now? Am I going to die? Is this wolf going to devour me now? I don't care anymore. I have served my purpose and this wolf, those pigs, they own me now and I am now their meat,"
submitted by Arnold4Alabama to u/Arnold4Alabama [link] [comments]
2020.10.03 02:55 tristusadulescens Had sex with one of my best friends ex-girlfriend and I feel so bad about it.
ok so first of all I want to say that I'm not someone who dates a lot mainly because I don't trust girls that much, because i was raped at 7 by a 16 year old girl ;Long story short girl was having a lot of hookups so their catholic parents locked her up in her house and my dad was friends with her mom (although i suspect he was having and affair with that girls mom) my parents divorced shortly after this incident) so anyway i was raped by that girl at 7 and then at 8 i was molested by my brother's friend (i think he's a closet homosexual) so with all this info you are seeing that im not the most stable individual. had a good chilhood despite all this mess. had my only and first gf at 12 in jr high she ended up cheating on me with my brother, but i already knew she was like that cause I kissed her shen she was dating this guy. in high school because of some domestic violence my step dad and mom were having i felt like not going to school puberty was pretty bad for me as well I had bad acne and have some hypertrophic scars all over my back and chest. I did nothing for a couple years because i was a cripple for a while I stepped onto some kind of cacti and got infected by chromobastomycosis. so I felt like the most unlucky individual and i still feel that way I feel like god has send me some curse just for fun, i felt so unlucky sad and depressed and used to day dream all days. so at 18 I regain some confidence mostly through reddit and online sites my family's way of pushing me over to do something is usually just saying im useless and that i should do something of my life. so anyway i got my ged at 19 got into college at 19, and stayed there dropped after a year because I was lacking financial stability, worked for 1 year at a call center (DO NOT RECOMMEND) and resigned back in march. anyway I think i got a little carried away with the main issue. so this girl is 24, im 21, she lives with my friend and they have a daugther together. so I always hanged out at his place usually on the weekends , we've been friends for about 8 years. (or more like were I can't consider myself his friend after what I did.) she started texting me because she had my number I've known her for so long that I don't even recall how i got her's or how she got mine's, but anyway we started texting and it was mostly me asking her how my friend was, I used to avoid asking her related to her besides asking her for coocking advice, we didn't even talk that much so , back in july I started going my local gym with a friend becaus ei gained a lot of weight with this whole Quarantine, then another good friend of mine whom i've known since 2012 told me that she wanted to have sex with me because of they way she was texting. I naively replied to him "no way" but he kept on insisting it was true. one day out of the blue she texted me "Im so horny" with one of those thirsty emoticons but i changed the subject quickly , my memory fails me a lil bit now but after that hot emoji my friend pushed me to do it. and he said that i should text her after all my friend and her aren't together anymore ( i'm not sure though ) so we've begun exchanging hot messages she sent me nude pictures and the next day we had sex , it was awful though in the middle of intercourse all i could think was how this was so wrong and what would happen if anyone we know saw us. so anyway it's been over 6 weeks and I've been going out with her secretly and texting each other everyday pretty much, she tells me she likes me a lot and i do the same I LIKE HER A LOT. i like the attention i like how she toys with my ear. I like her so much, it saddens me how some little affection and attention can make me feel this way. the issue is I think she's quite dishonest with me, she texts other guys right in front of me. i know she texts with her ex (she left my friend for some guy who is older than her late 20's for a year and came back to his place this year) I don't know if she does it in purpose because i left my friends messenger open in my cellphone because his got lost and told me if he could open his messenger in my cellphone I went to eat dinner at her house , when my friend wasn't home, and she got a glimpse of a message my friends gf sent and she got mad at me. said "i was talking with my hoes" I don't know what kind of relationship we have but I like her a lot but im mad that she speaks with some other guys and this whole situation is a mess. I am falling for her and I hate myself for it. why would i waste my friendship of 8 years over some girl who takes a lot to answer my texts and im pretty sure that she is seeing othert guys. this is driving me crazy, she also asked me if my friend had had sex with this chick and i said yeah that's the one then my friend inmediately texted me saying i wasn't ghis friend anylonger. because she inmediately told him . that was yesterday he asked me for screenshots of our chats and i had to create a fake conversation, he then apologized she said he was calling her names and a whore and stuff like that so she used what i had told her against him, I guess she was angry at him and still has feelings for him. and she just told him right away. I don't know what to think I don't know what to do all i know is I like her a lot and im pretty sure she is just using me to past the time cause she's bored.
Sorry for my bad english and grammar and If you have any questions feel free to ask .
sorry if my post is badly made ..
this is a throwaway account even though both of em don't use reddit
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2020.09.29 22:46 Jallen4life Live nude free couples
First post here but I lurk frequently. I prefer to shut the fuck up and keep doing the work, however reading Moonbeams comments about wanting to see more success inspired me to post and perhaps get feedback. (Yes this is also an alternate account from my main, since I'm sort of in the public eye, I prefer it that way for now till I can really master things without risk of any interference to my SM. If this is an issue let me know and I will just keep doing the work and not posting.)
This will possibly be a long post, and I have a ton I need to read and study still on this forum, (have read most of it and POSM twice.) so I preface all this by saying that I'm making hypothesis based on what I've read (so far) and what my critical thinking has shown me. Tear it apart if its not right and you have any other opinions. I want to master this, 100 percent accuracy is the, albeit naive, goal, so I dont care to waste my time on foolish or incorrect notions that will only hold me back. If things arent successes I'd love to know that as well.
Like many of you, I had a gut instinct that told me LOB was real even before I'd heard of the Secret or LOA or any of that. There's a post here regarding mushroom trips that also clued me into it, having had no prior internet experience mentioning this, I was just clued into the idea, that if you give the energy out there it comes back to you from the universe and you should be thankful for it to get more. That was the early stages of experiences with this stuff, and slowly I started to notice more and more, thoughts creating events in life. (thankful or not, shit showed up.) I've only recently found this forum and Murphy, maybe 4-5 months now... after only recently finding out about Goddard... both these are manifestations IMO. I was going through one of that hardest years of my life and basically asked God, show me whats out there and what you are... shortly after, some Goddard stuff popped up in my youtube. No doubt algorithm based from hippying out on some Alan Watts or some shit, but I still feel like it was a bit of a manifestation for leading me down this path, especially to Murphy who I also had no idea about and seems far less covered. In fact, I'd say finding Moonbeam in general was a manifestation. I was frustrated for many years with the LOA crowd and laughed it off as snake oil (despite all the years of knowing it was somehow 'right' in some aspects) because everyone sold you a god damn book. How can you be enlightened and somehow feel the need to charge people if you really want to help them?? I specifically asked for someone who didnt charge, who knew about this... and I found about Murphy and was lead here....saw Moonbeams requirements for training, which was charity and something I have been a huge advocate for of even in my career, trading work for donations, and bam, it felt like such a match I was stuck since. This was exactly what I wanted, someone who was a master, and didnt charge, and took a scientific structured approach with no woo or bullshit.
I've been doing all the tasks, 1-4 for a few months now. I started SH with a specific mission in mind, but after a few months no progress and going backwards even, I dropped it. The stress wasnt worth it. So now I'm onto the money goal. I did get a 500 dollar deposit from tips recently, I do not know to count this or not as I kinda knew it was coming and its always around 500 but I had started my scenes maybe a week or so prior. I've made the choice to move onto the 1000 goal though because then I'll know for sure if I hit that and there will be no confusion. If this is the wrong move, correct me and I'll go back to 500. That being said, its the only real possible thing I've manifested through actual methods of SH so far. The rest of these successes came simply via conscious mind (which is a fucking paaaaaain to keep up, you'll know if you've read about the 'Living as if" posts here... or simply affirming it or almost day dreaming it for a small amount of time. )
-Convention space opening up within a month of the convention date after the show was sold out. I dont know that this happens often, but I had it happen twice in a short period of time to shows I didnt even apply to get into. I wanted to go, just felt it in my gut, the desire, shortly the shows both opened extra spaces. One even made extra room in another hall at the venue. This seems pretty rare to me. I also had all these shows paid for by friends because I was broke at the time. (we're talking thousands of dollars for gas, travel, airbnb and table rental) all within a short time frame. my only process on this was wanting to go and making a silent agreement that if it happened, I would go.
-Extra week in Vegas and a travel buddy. Was scared shitless of flying, wanted to do a convention in Vegas, my brother ended up with an extra room for a week for 20 bucks a night on the strip and cheap flights. Basically he walked me through my phobia of flying and I got to do another show, still using the money mentioned above.
-Cheap ipad pro, got one that retails for around 800-1000 with the pencil, got it from a friend for 300 total.
- As mentioned above, got a 'sugar momma' who sent me a TON of money to help with shit. I imagined this as a joke, and it kinda happened. Could not get her to stop giving me money either, she's an amazing person and we have a great friendship now which is also a manifestation.
-Kinda tying into that aspect, I was tired of chasing women a long time ago, far before I knew about LOA and the Secret and shit like that... I just started affirming that women chase me. I dont know why but it slowly started happening more and more. To the point of being even groped and sexually harassed in the workplace unfortunately... but the thirst was real and something I'd never really experienced. Recently kinda confirmed this was a LOB result as a girl friend told me 'women just dont send nudes and tell you they're in love with you out of the blue like guys do. It just doesnt happen.' I have an entire collection of evidence in text messages just from the last couple years that prove otherwise. Completely unasked for as well. Beautiful women who could have anyone, some even married...pursuing me. And I'm literally doing nothing, no flirting, nothing to trigger it... Its just crazy.
-Also tied into this...if a woman confessed love for me and I didnt feel it, I would pray for her to find someone amazing and be happy. Many times this has happened, although like most of my LOB attempts with other people, the effects seem to not last long. I'm curious as to why this is. But I have also managed to manifest health for a cat recently on its death bed (cancer and old). Imagined her owner telling me she's better than ever, for only a few minutes then I dropped it. About a week later I got the text saying 'she's back to her old self!'
-Made 100 dollars a day for about a week. The 7th day I didnt hit the amount and did revision before bed. The next day I made 200 dollars. Was mind blown but couldnt keep it going after that. I also may have fucked up here because I tried to up the amount to 200 a day after about 5 days...and all this was CM efforts as well so I'm sure shit didnt stick.
-Tied into that a bit I made a sale a day from my shop for about 4 days, this was way early on in discovering Neville and this was doing some SATs before bed... after the 4th day I felt spooked inside and it kinda stopped. ( I used to make maybe one sale a month if I was lucky ) However my career through CM efforts has been insanely good this year and I've been noticed by big names who I never ever got the attention from in 6 years of this profession before. Now they are the ones finding me.
-New computer and equipment. All from friends, didnt spend a dime. easily 3 grand worth of stuff. Some of this I tried to manifest with the Bernston method of image cycling, but literally nothing else on the list even came true.
-bought a game for 100 bucks, realized it was overpriced... refunded it and told myself 'I'd buy it if it was down to 20 bucks.' The next week it dropped 80 dollars on sale.... 100 dollar game to not only 20 bucks but 17.... this may seem insignificant but at the time I'd been doing extra meditations during the day... in Alpha and saying 'everything happens better than I imagined, my problems are solved.' (yes this goes against training but this was mostly me doing it for mental health.) the reason I point this out is a few things have happened since then. The things I try to CM manifest, when they happen, they're a bit better than what I imagine. For example, one of the above 'big names' who noticed my work, also gave me 300 dollars for no reason other than to help with me bills. I also had a few packages show up in the mail 2-3 days early from delivery date and an old gf reach out and be nice out of months of no contact, even cold shoulder contact. Things just seem a tiny bit better than normal.
-Speaking of old relationships, had many 'inside' jokes with this partner that I had imagined, many things happened according to what I wanted and this relationship in general pushed me harder into knowing something was going on with our minds and the universe I could not figure out, but could not deny anymore. (I also manifested happiness and a great partner for her ex because he was hung up on her quite a bit. She told me he found someone who was 'incredibly hot' and they were happy) I manifested many of our social circle to be dating so we could all have double dates and hangouts. This all happened as well. These things were done via CM and just feeling what it would be like, if merely for a few minutes...and far long before I knew of any LOB, Murphy or Goddard stuff... it was just imagining what I wanted without expectations.
- Been getting a lot of free and home cooked meals from family after cooking for myself for years. This was an affirmation with feeling and not in SH as well. We constantly have a freezer stocked now it seems.
-Manifested part time jobs with bonus pay. Yes I know these seasonal jobs are everywhere, however I was approached without seeking this opportunity and the bonus pay was after I missed a few days of work due to bad back. The bonus pay made up my missed time exactly. At this time I was affirming "I always have enough money". Looking back, god damn I'm stupid and should have gone for way more than enough money lol
-speaking of enough money, got COVID money from the government that covered paying my taxes and insurance company sent me a check for 50 bucks and took 10 bucks a month off my bill due to COVID. This was during the time I mentioned above with the job.
Now onto the misses:
-ladder experiment failed
-almost all Bernstom stuff failed
-tried to manifest a red tennis ball at the start of reading Goddard...got nowhere. The other night I tried again just to practice visualizing and senses... the next morning woke up and my brothers dog had a pink tennis ball I've never seen her with before. I wonder often about what these near misses might mean because I've had quite a few recently. Perhaps its somewhere I havent read yet in this forum so I'll keep digging.
-On top of that I wanted to manifest 1.1million followers... a few days later someone came to me and told me about their friend who was a social media marketer... they have 1.1 million followers apparently. ( Did not double check this, I personally dont care I just find the synchronicities fascinating, and wonder if they even mean shit...)
-Wanted to get into a big online convention with only a week till deadline and I never applied or reached out. I did this as just a test because nailing it would have been a fucking moonshot... obviously I missed it but.. a close friend got the exact scenario I imagined for myself. He never applied, the organizer found him online reached out personally and asked him to present his work and paid him. He was absolutely blown away. Kinda crazy shit imo.
-Many misses with manifesting for friends...maybe they're hits but they dont seem to last. Many friends I try to lift out of depression or put them in amazing relationships...seems like it takes off for a day or a week or month then grinds to a halt and they're back to the old self. I believe Neville talked about this as well.
-Many more misses than I probably cant keep track of, but all this tracking has really been only the past year or so. I saw one LOA pornstar video that I did actually find useful where he talked about it being important for your conscious mind to factually see a list of all successful things so it can more easily accept this is how the law works and is working. This seems to make sense with building faith that we do here via the progressions. Correct me if I'm wrong. My theory is that everything works on sort of a probability factor and the more faith we have, the stronger we increase that probability, same with conventional action. After a point of following the master program, probability works almost entirely in our favor and 'we have no more respect for it'. This is what I've seemed to gather so far from everything here and my own experiences. One day I plan to have enough to pay for more serious training however, for the time being my 500 went to someone whose possibly homeless due to COVID, which is no big deal if I can make a grand next. I love the Kiva idea either way and will be sure to contribute if I can really nail down all the teachings here and get the SH stuff to work out for me like the CM stuff has. Any help, tips or criticism is welcome...I am not soft on this shit, I want to learn and master it and have devoted almost all my time to practicing what I can when I can. It probably has become the most important thing in my life at the moment.
Thank you all so far for the teaching and any feedback. Back into the shadows I go until I can really show you the money.
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2020.09.28 10:54 HaulA28Sepl2 Free live nude couples
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